I’ve been getting a lot of really interesting questions about roleplay, table management, and other topics on social media, but I’m bad at short-form content and always have more to say than I can fit in on those platforms. So I’m going to start presenting longer-form answers to those questions here—and feel free to ask me questions in the comments here, too! Also, if anyone has an idea for a name for this…
Today’s question is, in essence, how can a party get to know each other? The commenter said they’d started a campaign where the PCs were strangers to each other/didn’t establish any party dynamics up front, and now they still feel like a group of strangers who largely interact with the GM/NPCs instead of with each other.
This fantastic ars ludi blog post describes ‘the star pattern’: when everything at the table passes through the GM. The author Ben Robbins proposes a core mechanical reason for this: as the arbiter, the players are trained to assume every ‘answer’ comes from the GM. You roll, and look to the GM to see what happens next. The solution he proposes is for GMs to not be afraid of silence, and to set up situations to encourage players to talk to each other (including the great suggestion to structure an encounter not around a fight, but with the goal of provoking an interesting in-character conversation) and for players to just… start talking to each other. In principle, that’s what I suggest, too.
However! I think what this commenter is asking was a slightly different question, with root causes that are a variation on the mechanical problem Robbins points to. When players are more invested in, or find it easier to roleplay with the GM instead of with each other, it isn’t entirely about the mechanics of rolling and then looking for a response, or an anxious GM not leaving enough silence. But it is also rooted in their sense of the GM as ultimate arbiter of the world and story. In my experience, it comes from a subconscious feeling that 1) only the GM has plot-relevant or story-driving information to give and 2) that other players aren’t sufficiently invested in or knowledgeable about their character to give them a satisfying roleplay experience. Keeping focused on the GM will drive the story forward, unlock whatever story plans the GM has made for their character, and will guarantee their character is treated attentively in the scene.
The solution, therefore, is to demonstrate that all of these things can be found in other characters as well. And the tool for doing this is exactly as Robbins suggests: just talking to each other. But don’t worry, I have a more specific exercise than just that.
Listen attentively the next time other characters are having their scenes with NPCs. Listen for something that would jump out at your character: maybe it’s something that connects literally or thematically to their backstory or interests; maybe it’s a piece of information they plausibly would also have known, or would at least be interested in; maybe it’s that the PC seems to be having some kind of notable response to the encounter. Then, when the conversation ends, strike up a conversation between your two characters where you address this thing.
The key is giving yourself this very specific hook into the conversation, and one that equally engages the other character (via this conversation they were just in) and your character—not just busting in with “WELL THAT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME MY VILLAGE WAS BURNED…” but rather letting asking questions about the other character lead to sharing something about your own character. In a perfect world, you can end the conversation with a concrete suggestion or offer of a collaborative activity: “You know, maybe when we go back to the tavern, I could help you ask around about that dragon that burned down your village.” Your goal is to create a topic or quest that your characters can keep coming back to each other about.
This can have the side effect of being a gentle reminder that next time, they can or should come to your character first—and will maybe even get them thinking about what other characters might have to offer, too.
If you have arcana expertise and they’re asking an NPC about some ancient runes they found, chiming in afterwards with, “That conversation about runes was so interesting, I think I also came across something similar in my own studies… maybe we should go and…” nicely reminds them that your character could be an interesting person to consult on these matters in future, even if you end up ultimately needing the GM for information.
(GMs should also make a habit of throwing these kinds of requests to other characters and supplying information as needed, rather than always picking them up with NPCs, but this is a question from a player so that’s what we’ll focus on.)
This can work for group conversations as well. At the end of the adventuring day, be the person who strikes up an in-person debrief about what just happened. Check in on characters who had emotional moments, or ask the group at large for advice or help with something that happened to your character. Demonstrate that your character wants invite their characters into your story, and that you’ve been paying attention to the things that happen to them and want to make space for them to roleplay about it, too.
My final suggestion is not to strive to be too realistic about how bonds form. Make some assumptions about how your character has reacted to the time they’ve already spent together, and respond accordingly. Maybe you’ve never actually roleplayed a campfire conversation, but assume that they’ve happened and your character feels comfortable around the others. Maybe you’ve never openly expressed care for one another, but you’ve buffed or defended each other in battle, and that’s the same thing. It might be lazy or at least unsatisfying writing for a novel or TV show not to show the development of the relationships in more detail, but for roleplay purposes, skip ahead from ‘total stranger’ to at least ‘friendly coworker I’ve been operating with closely for several weeks,’ even if you don’t feel like the actual dialogue has happened to justify that. Treat the other PCs like friends, and they’ll probably default to treating your PC the same way in return.